She stayed in a big cage in a basket. We kept her in the dining room so she could watch all the comings and goings of the household. I put a little white teddy bear in for Julie and one nite to my surprise she took to it and it became her favorite toy. Unfortunately it was lost and Julie was sad. We looked all over but could not find white teddy. After a couple of days Julie did manage to find other toys to play with. I would spend time just watching her play with toys. She would always look at me to see if I was watching her. After she got spayed and started getting stronger she would come out of the cage and run and hide and peek back into the room to see if anyone was chasing her. We started keeping treats so that we could give Julie a treat when she came to us. Julie loved cookies. Julie started spending more and more time out of the cage socializing with us. Eventually she never went back into the cage. I never expected to but I became very attached to Julie and she became attached to me. She was almost like having a little baby because I would dress her in shirts and diapers and then hold her. She would snuggle right into you. How could you not fall in love with her?

Her name was Julie but for some reason I just started calling her Jules. She got to the point where she did not need diapers during the day and she started sleeping upstairs with me. She started having dry diapers at nite so she started going without diapers. I never found a wet spot on the floor. It was like the day she finally became a "big girl". I told her how proud I was of her. It was so wonderful to see Julie evolve into such a happy girl. She was hairless when she came to us but she grew a beautiful coat of hair. When Julie and I were outside I would call to her and open my arms really wide. She would run to me as fast as her short little legs could carry her and then she would sit in front of me and wait for me to pet her. I would always scratch her under her chin and say "good girl julie". Her little tail would wag.

It was one of the highlights of my day was to come home and see Julie wagging her tail happy to see me.

This is the last picture that I have of Julie. You can see how much hair she grew. Like every rescue animal you take in you love them but you know that the purpose of rescue is to find them homes if you can. Julie was a happy girl and she was healthy and it was time for her to find a new home. We had another rescue coming in so we made the decision that it was time for Julie to take the next step towards getting her forever home We got into contact with Janet and with Joan who has fuzzy paws shitzu rescue. Joan knows shitzus and she has been rescuing for years so I very stupidly assumed that she knew what she was doing. I met her to deliver Julie to her. We met at a restaurant. We talked about various rescues dogs in our house and I expressed to her several times that IF JULIE WAS NOT HAPPY TO CALL ME IMMEDIATELY AND I WOULD COME AND GET HER. I had high hopes for Julie as there is nothing I love better than seeing a dog that we have had here go to a new home and be someones special dog. On the ride up I kept sending good thoughts to Julie. "This is your chance Julie to be someones special girl" "Be a good girl Julie and just give it a chance". Deep down inside I wasn't sure that Julie would make the change and I was prepared to go back up and get her and keep her here forever. I tried to be optimistic for Julie. I kept thinking about all the other rescues we have had in here that I did not think would be able to adjust but they did and it's wonderful to hear about how they have changed and how much the people love them.

We went to the van and I got Julie out and told Julie "If you're not happy you can come back home" and I once again told Joan that if she wasn't happy to call me and I would come and get her no matter how long of a drive it was. I drove away trying to think happy thoughts for Julie. By the end of the night I had such a bad feeling that I just couldn't shake it. I had to email Cheryl to see if she could talk to Julie because I was so worried about her. I had such a sad & scared feeling that i had trouble sleeping. I just thought it was because I was upset over Julie leaving. In the morning the feeling was gone. A week went by and I was going to call Joan and see how Julie was doing. I usually like to wait a week to let them adjust but I do make it known to the new fosters home parents to call me if they have any trouble at all.

I got a phone call from Joan last Wednesday. The message did not sound happy as it said to call her immediately. Jess had her dance recital so I thought no problem I'll come and get Julie in the morning because I'm sure that is what the phone call was about. I called Joan back and found out that they had lost Julie! I said oh did you lose her today? NO SHE LOST HER A WEEK AGO!!!!!!! The very nite that she brough Julie home she slipped her lead after they got her home and ran into the woods. I told Joan there was no point in me coming up there to look because too much time had passed. Joan assured me that she was doing everything she could to find Julie. She had flyers up and everything. She had contacted 2 animal comunicators and that they said Julie was happy and that she was with a family. We had another animal comunicator who said the same thing. Julie was happy.

I tried very hard to believe it. I didn't want to think about Julie being lost out in the woods. She came from a puppy mill. She had no survival skills at all. It took her so long to trust people. This is the email we recieved from Joan today.

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We got a call that a guy found Julie's body in his barn. She crawled under something and died. I think she just gave up. She was about a mile away.

She wasn't hit or bit up. She just laid down and died.

I feel so guilty. We looked so hard and walked many miles looking and calling her. Put up over a hundred signs and notified all the vets and pet stores. Called the shelter and pound but she never showed herself.

I'm so sorry

Joan

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She should be sorry. She couldn't even have the decency to make a phone call she sent an email!!!! I can't even imagine how she can look at herself in the mirror. She let her stupid pride get in the way and instead of calling the one person who could find Julie she didn't. Now Julie is dead. All that work with her and she died alone. SHE DIED THAT NITE. I KNOW SHE DIED THAT NITE.

I know she died that nite because by morning the connection to Julie was broken because I didn't have that bad feeling.

I felt bad that nite because she was crying out to me for help!!!!!!!! She cried out to me for help and I didn't help her. I let her down! I failed Julie. I might as well have taken her out and shot her!!!!! I let her die alone!!!!!

I'm so sorry Julie I let you down. I'm so sorry you died alone.

We are not upset with Joan for losing Julie! It happens. My mother rescued a crested one time and one of her friends begged her for months to let her have this dog. This woman was not a dog person and my mother kept saying "No you can't have this dog you can't even keep a plant alive". The woman just kept asking my mother for this dog and so my mother agreed to let her try him for a weekend. 3 hours after she took the dog he got away. This woman had to call my mother and tell her that she lost the dog. Luckily the dog was found but that's not the point. She called and said "I've lost the dog". When I lost Ziggy because I made a bad decision I still called my mother and Janet immediately. I have to live with the fact that my carelessnes lost the dog but I STILL CALLED IMMEDIATELY! I didn't wait a week to tell anyone!!!!!!!!

We are upset with Joan because for whatever reason she did not call me. I would have looked all nite for Julie. There is no excuse for why she didn't call me. I wish Joan had just not let us know that Julie was dead. I wish she would of kept that to herself. I have to live with knowing that for the rest of my life.

There is a lesson to be learned here. No matter what don't let your pride get in the way. ASK FOR HELP! Regardless of how it makes you look. Don't be afraid to say I made a mistake! We all do it.

We are all beside ourselves here and we are done with rescue for quite sometime. There has been too much sadness here with different dogs. It's time to concentrate on the dogs that are here.

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